When I was 16, I was absolutely obsessed with the show Pretty Little Liars. I wanted to be just like the girls - I thought they were beautiful, their outfits were stunning, they had the perfect bodies - the works. As they were playing 16 year olds, the same age as I was, it makes sense that I was confused that I didn't look like them. They just didn't seem to be going through the same 'mismatched, unblended eyeshadow, and far too much lip gloss' phase that I was.
It's only as an adult that you really do your research and find out that the sixteen year old characters were played by actresses who are much closer to my age now than they were back then. Troian Bellisario, who played Spencer Hastings, was 24 when the show first started. Shay Mitchell was 23, where Lucy Hale and Ashley Benson were both 20. Lots of shows do this, and it isn't anyone's fault but I'm just using PLL as an example as it was my favourite show. (don't talk to me about the finale though, I'm still angry)
It's no wonder that by the time our generation reaches the age of 25, we already feel like we're ten years behind in our lives, because we essentially aligned ourselves with 25 year olds who paraded around as teenagers, and it made us feel like we should be doing more, looking better, and everything in between. The representations of our teenage selves were played by much older women who looked completely different to us, and actually did have their lives, (or at least their acting careers), together.
Now that these actresses are in their mid-30s, we feel like we should still be aligned with them - and have the perfect career, house, kids, etc, but that's not true.
We're not behind just because we had teenage lives where we looked and behaved like teenagers. We were teenagers.
Life doesn't stop at 25 either. I'll be 26 in just over two months, and I only now feel like I'm beginning to find myself.
I've been with the love of my life for half a decade now, and if the pandemic will allow for it - we'll be getting married next year. I know what make up style I like, and I've developed a fashion sense that I'm proud of. I have a skincare routine, and a work out routine that I love and makes me feel happy instead of stressed out.
I didn't have all of that at 16, and there was no reason for me to - because I was 16. I was watching adults on screen portraying a teenage life that didn't look like mine, and that definitely messed me up for a time, but now that I am 25, I see that I'm not behind at all. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
Saying that though, two weeks after my 26th birthday, I will be leaving the career which I thought was my dream job, and that's okay. I have time. I have my qualifications which means I can always come back to it if I want to, but if I don't - I still have time and space to try out different careers to see what suits me best. It's scary to not know what you're meant to be doing, but that doesn't mean that your life is over. I'm scared too, but I'm also way stronger, and way more talented than my fear is. We all deserve to love the job we do, and it's okay to take a step back if you need a change!
The truth is that we're all on our own path. It would be a super boring world if milestones had universal ages attached to them. Imagine if everyone you know got married, or bought a house at the age of 25, that would be a remarkably busy and expensive year for a lot of your friendship group! It's just not how it works.
I saw a post on Instagram lately which was created by the incredible Chibird Art - I've linked it as the 2nd resource at the top of this post as it may help you, too. It reads 'some days you make progress towards your dreams, other days you have to focus on your health, but don't despair! even if you're not contributing to your dreams directly... taking care of yourself will help you reach your goals too!' It's 100% true and it makes me feel better about doing what's right for me.
You, just like myself - have to do what's best for you. None of us are behind in life, and the future is up to us.
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