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Lately, I've been thinking lots about personal boundaries - how to set them, how to stick to them, the works.
I recently listened to Florence Given's book 'Women Don't Owe You Pretty', and while the entire book deserves every award known to woman, Chapter 8 really stood out to me. The aptly named 'Protect Your Energy' chapter reminds us not to buy into the 'heteronormative lie that wants women to exist for everyone but themselves', as there is 'nothing noble about self-sacrifice.' She's right - and hearing those words solidified that a recent decision I made was the correct one.
As I've mentioned in previous posts, I've decided to leave my job next month, and now that it's coming close to crunch time, I've been finding myself doubting that choice. It's really hard to make a decision which will ruffle feathers, and to stick with it, even when you know it's the right one for you.
I've had a few good days at work lately and it had me thinking about how much my decision to leave throws me into the deep end. I'll be unemployed in the middle of a pandemic, entirely voluntarily, which is the opposite of what most people would want during this time. I've been thinking about how much I'll miss my colleagues, and how I do genuinely adore some of my classes.
However, and I hope you're sitting down for this one, we have to trust ourselves. We make decisions because we know the outcomes are what we want, and need.
There is no amount of 'but you have some lovely classes and they'll miss you!', or 'you would've been fine if you had stuck with it' that could talk me out of it. To go back to what Floss wrote, I absolutely could have self-sacrificed, and stayed for the good students, and my colleagues that I love because it's safe and comfortable to just put up and shut up, but that wouldn't have been right. I would have been existing in a job to please other people, which would've been neglectful to myself.
Only I know how much of a hard time I was having, and while it may have looked like I just had one bad day here and there to people around me, only I know just how many of my own personal boundaries had been crossed, for how long and how many times. I owed it to myself to quit.
In the chapter, Floss also admits that she knows part of her self-worth IS tied up in pleasing others and that's normal, but we all have to learn that it isn't healthy to neglect our own needs and overspend our time on other people. This is going to sound dramatic to some of you, but the way I see it, when you put everyone else first, you're putting yourself last. I learnt a long time ago that I was done with that, and I recommend that you are, too. Your life is your masterpiece. Don't let someone else hold the brush.
'Setting boundaries protects you from compromising yourself'
This doesn't just apply to mental health either, though. My fiancé just had major surgery and he will need to set his own personal boundaries in terms of his recovery, and what he can and can't do physically yet. Nobody would ever call him selfish for that. That's widely accepted. Therefore, it's not selfish to set and adhere to your personal boundaries when it comes to your mental health, either.
I found a post on Instagram last week which was such a bright ray of hope for me, so I've shared it in the resources at the top of this page. It says "You can always start over. You can always catch up. You can still be who you dream of being. It's not too late for you."
It's never too late.
Take a break. Say no. Protect your energy.
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